i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
