It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
