Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
