so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
