my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize