I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
