my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
