i just google imaged poop.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
