This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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