I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
