Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's always time for handjobs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
