My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
