Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
