They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
