so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
