arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
