Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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