I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
