I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
