My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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