my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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