I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
