This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
