and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
