please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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