It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
