We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
