He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
