I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
