my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
