But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
