How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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