Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
