ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
