Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
