I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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