She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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