Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you inspire me to be a worse person
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
