in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
