does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
