He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
