what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
