I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
