Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
