Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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