guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
