I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
