i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
