You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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