do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
