Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm determined to sit on that face.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
