guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
