cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
