At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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