I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
