i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
