Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
