Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
