for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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