What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do herpes really smell.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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