I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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