the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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