She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
