Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
