why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
