I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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