why do cheetos always look like penises
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
