We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
