i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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