Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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