Do you still have your period?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
