Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just google imaged poop.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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