he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
