found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
