So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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