He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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