five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
