I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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